Ibu

I still remember on the very first time I was going to kindergarten. Excited much. I don't even cry (like my friends did) and feel scared. I was waaaaay too excited maybe to have new friends. The distance from my home and kindergarten is not so far, so my Ibu would send me riding a bicycle (it was blue, small). Ohh and not to forget, she was never fail to prepare me a 'bekal'. Let it be fried rice, 'roti celup telur' (how can I translate them in English?) or chicken nuggets (all time favourite). During recess time, my friends and I would eat together and stealing other people's food too! Hehe.

When it comes to graduation day, we would take a formal photo just few days before the event. During my 5 years old photograph day, I was feeling so excited that I wanted to look nice (and cuter than my friends which will not be happen of course) so my Ibu did two-braids; left and right side of my hair. Unfortunately, upon completing, I realized that the braids is not symmetry that the left one is shorter than the other one. And it was on my photograph day. Sad, but it was already late at that time so my Ibu said 'Takpelah tak nampak sangat', rode the blue bicycle to kindergarten. I still have the photo now, sitting on the front row (because I was short; am short) and obviously, the braids took all the attention upon myself. So yeah.

That was the story for 17 years ago.

And now I am already 22.

So means my Ibu is 17 years older now. Which make her 49 this year.

49 means a lot.

A lot in age means getting older.

Older means sicker.

Sigh.

Quite number of my friends told me that their moms are starting to get worse in their health. Heart disease, cancer etc. Which I would see myself in my Ibu, on how she struggles to even go upstairs to the second floor of my house. No more shopping Raya like last time, no more 'jalan jalan cuci mata' at shopping malls. Her steps are getting slower and weaker. Day by day. Ohh, her medicine. It's like Tic Tac with various colours but apparently not taste that good. Monthly medical check up from once a month to twice a month. Suddenly can't walk because she said the world is spinning around her, so we have to stop where we at, waiting for the spinning to go away.

Sigh. Again.

I have to pretend I am strong whenever I feel don't. I have to pretend I am okay whenever accompany her for medical check up. I have to pretend I am happy with my life whenever she ask me.

I have to. I am the only one for her. I couldn't and shouldn't disappoint her.

Which sometimes I can't. 

May Allah bless you, Ibu. Always.